Voices in our heads.
The good and bad inside of us all.
Have you ever wondered where your thoughts come from? Like when you think of making that toast bread, where did that thought come from? Yes we say it is our minds but, really think about it, what is our minds?
When it comes to our minds and thoughts, things only get more complicated. After all, the brain is the least understood part of the human body. Since I have spent most of my life in public hospitals, I have seen and heard really weird things from patients. Some screaming the whole night because they see something scary that no one else sees, while others keep talking about the voices in their heads telling them to do something. I always thought that it was hogwash you know…like what a way not to take responsibility, just say the voice inside your head told you to get wasted and drive. But then in 2017 something weird happened to me too, I clearly heard a voice in my head telling me to go finish the job (take my own life). The voice was confident and not wavering, so I knew that this was the right thing for me to do then. From having 0 suicidal thoughts/plans to being 100% convinced ending my life was what I needed to do. What was happening to me?
To go more into depth, I feel a foundation is evident. It’s important we understand that we are both good and evil, those parts exist in all of us. We might feel like this statement is a bit generalized and particularly unfair, but think about it. Very often we are the saint in our own stories, and this makes it complex, having to accept that we are capable of evil and good altogether. Just like everything has opposites, those opposites exists in us, in our character and in who we are.
Take for example a mental patient who has murdered their whole family. Maybe you have heard their stories how the voices inside their head told them to do it, does this mean the voice forced this person to kill everyone, or did the voice merely tell them to do it?
The final decision was made by the person themselves, although the voice told them to do it, they could have chosen not to do it, the same with myself in 2017 when I was told to end my life by the voice inside. That voice did not carry me through the air dragging me up the stairs into my bedroom and then took the pills and shoved them down my throat. All of that was done by me, I walked up the stairs, I took those pills and drank them with water, I made that final choice that this was what I was going to do.
Are you saying we have control over these inside voices?
Yes! As far as I understand how this works, yes we have a choice. When something is forced on us, that’s when we don’t have a choice.
So… where do these voices come from?
Remember the Yin yang of life? We have positive and negative energy in us. It is tempting to “villianize” the negative energy and think of it as bad, however, it is vital to understand that, the negative energy is necessary for survival. Without it, the human race would not exist, as you could imagine, no one would fight for their lives, or do that which help them survive, including killing a fellow animal just to ensure our own survival. I hope I did not say that in a confusing way.
Now that you know that the voices in our heads are just voices, we should look for ways to get more control over the voices. I get it that some voices are so intense that it seems we can only stop them by doing what they want. Think of the voices inside you as the inside part of you, cause so far it makes sense to think that way. So… you control yourself right? When you eat… when you poop and so on. The inside part of you has to do those things too, it has to eat, and has to poop. When we hold on to anger and feel the need to avenge ourselves, that is similar to pooping, we take energy in (whatever made us upset), now we have to take it out (whatever the plan is for revenge).
How can one control these voices?
I find it much easier to try and control what I do after the voices have spoken, than to try and control the voices themselves. It’s like driving on the road with other cars, I cannot control all the drivers around me, even if I really want to, but I can control myself and make sure that my driving makes sense, at least if all the drivers do that, then we’ll have less road accidents.
Find things that can distract you from the voices and don’t think about it until you feel that you are strong enough not to do anything you don’t want to do.
Who can hear voices inside their head?
Everyone can, it depends heavily on the experience a person has had in life, what type of messages will come from the voices in their head. Once again using my example, when I tried to commit suicide, my experience in life at that point was really sour. I had just finished my long journey looking for the Christian God (and did not find him), my work situation was not great, I lived onsite and very close to the conference venues, where I barely rested during the times where the hotel had functions. The head Chef had no control over his staff, so… when a Chef would not pitch at work, guess who would have to cover for them? Me. I was always exhausted, from the long hours, to the lack of rest and privacy. I felt like I was in prison, even though I lived in a hotel. The working environment was not great either, most of the men were obsessed with ladies and would constantly talk dirty about women and never failed to talk specifics about the lady parts. It was really humiliating and that’s how things were when I got there, and when I left it was still like that.
Are these voices always so aggressive?
Sometimes these voices starts off really faint and weak if you may, at that moment it will even be easier for us to dismiss them and brush it off as some nonsense and ignore it. With time, those voices and their messages become stronger and so much harder to resist. Therefore, find a buddy, someone you can talk to about these things, don’t mind the stigma that people who hear voices are mad, that’s just lack of knowledge talking. When you have someone who will help you find your neutral position when you can’t, it will be easier for you to remain in control even though the voices are screaming at you.
Please understand that this post is not dismissing the problem that faces many mental patients. It is a big challenge not to know how to deal with mental patients, however, if we try to understand our own minds first, perhaps the road to freedom and health is not that much longer. Now I understand that regardless of what the voices told me, I was ultimately responsible for trying to take my own life, I made that final decision and I like to think that the reason I survived was to share my story, perhaps I help one other person out there, wondering why their own head is telling them to harm themselves.
If you found this post useful, please remember to share this knowledge with others, together we can heal our world, many minds at a time 🙂
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